Commenters recommended a man seek professional help after revealing in a popular internet forum that he cannot stand his young daughter or being a parent.
The anonymous man, who goes only by u/Aaaynon190, posted to Reddit's "True Off My Chest" subreddit where it received more than 9,300 upvotes and nearly 2,000 comments, many from users saying they also struggled with similar feelings and suggested seeking therapy to learn healthy coping skills.
According to a Norwegian survey published in 2021, about 1 in 8 Polish adults regretted having children. Similar–albeit smaller–studies have been conducted with German and American parents, suggesting that approximately 18 percent regret having children.
In the post titled "I cannot stand my child and I hate being a parent," the man, 31, explained that he is from the United Kingdom and has a daughter who is about to turn 5.
"Unplanned child. Supportive families," the post read. "Financially stable. Home owners. Healthy relationship. Since had a vasectomy."
The man explained that almost from the day his daughter was born he knew parenting wasn't for him. He said although he's tried to enjoy having a daughter, he said he is unable to.
He said his daughter has a good life and that he has few rules other than to listen and be honest. While his daughter is honest, he said she doesn't listen and "refuses" to listen to what he and her mother say.
"She is horrible to the both of us for no reason. Genuinely horrible," the post read. "I can tell my partner doesn't like being a parent either, she hasn't directly said that but I know. I've told her I hate it, everything about it. Less freedom, less money, less social time with others and as a couple."
He added that the stress of being a parent is "unreal" and "relentless" and that sometimes he cannot stand being around his daughter because of her "constant moaning, whining, needing, crying, and sass."
The man added that he and his wife provide their daughter with love and support and that they are both "good parents" who would never take away her childhood.
"If it was my choice I'd never see her again. Harsh I know, possibly unforgivable," the post read. "I would never leave or put her into care, I know how unfair that is, she isn't doing this on purpose, she doesn't know the pain she causes."
The man explained that he missed life before his daughter and the freedom he had every day.
"I hate being a parent," the post read. "I'd do anything to have my old life back, the one where we had freedom, was happy and enjoyed waking up each morning and always looking forward to the next day."
The man said he and his partner both have support from their parents who visit on occasion to watch their daughter.
"We have breaks from her but it's never enough, it doesn't undo what we have to go back to," the post read.
In the post, the man said he understood that most children act the same way and that he does sympathize with parents who have it "a lot harder."
He went on to say that he is miserable inside and that he tried to change his feelings since he truly wants to like his daughter. He said he's shared his feelings with both his parents and that he tries to remain positive but knows that his situation won't change.
"Also, I don't need professional help, I'm not suicidal. I'm just deeply unhappy with being a parent, it isn't fun for me," the post concluded. "I know there will be a day it turns around but a happy future doesn't change a present me."
Nearly 2,000 users commented on the man's post, with many saying he needs to get professional help so that his daughter does not begin to feel his resentment toward her.
"You know you can still get professional help even if you're not suicidal right? I do think you should make it an option," one user commented.
"You can't fake it 24/7, even if you think you are, and kids are ALWAYS watching and absorbing: it's their jobs," another user added, recommending the man seek therapy. "If you won't do it for you, do it for her, and the subtle ways your hatred of being responsible for her may be seeping out in ways you don't even realize. Good luck man, this is rough."
The user also suggested that a therapist might help him develop new coping mechanisms and recommend ways to get through the stress of parenting.
"I have a mom like this and from a very young age [I] could feel her feelings of resentment," another user commented. "Please get some therapy, because trust me, your daughter knows you're only tolerating her."
Other parents added that they also had similar feelings when their children were behaving poorly, with some saying they were worried about how their children would turn out.
"At this age I thought my son was bound to be the devil. I actually worried that I had been responsible for unleashing a monster on the planet," one user said. "Now he's seven, He's the light of my life. He's funny, kind and self reflective. He just took longer to 'get it.'"
Newsweek reached out to u/Aaaynon190 for comment.
Many individuals have publicly shared their opinions of parenting, with some facing strong criticism over their personal choices.
One woman wrote in Newsweek that when she told people they didn't want kids, people replied that their life was "pointless."
In a viral Reddit post, one woman revealed she was "selfish" because she likes her alone time and does not want anyone to depend on her. Users were more supportive of this woman, with many saying they also did not want children.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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